This is an awkward action-comedy where Antonio Banderas romanticizes Machiavelli while the last pieces of his criminal empire continue crumbling down. The Clean Up Crew wears your patience thin with exasperatings stories of incompetent and uncoordinated thieves, unethical law-enforcement officers and a crew of four crime scene clean-up who find themselves romantically involved in a ridiculous heist. The film felt like rancid soye with irritable already irritating comic hero who was shooting someone from various cameras oh and would try to sing over the musical music released with the film. It is all deliberately exaggerated to extreme limits. That is where more of the humor is expected to lie with T. The Clean Up Crew at most can hope for minor guffaws.
Gangs in the charge of Gabriel Barrett (Banderas), a Spanish drug trafficker, exerted a very tight grip upon crime ever since he set foot on Ireland 3 years ago, and some people had gotten fed up. Stupid ones like Danny and Jack are through living in gaibriel’s bread crumbs. Retired gang members decide to snatch a bag containing a bribe while their crooked Special Crimes Agency Officer attempts to hand it over to his men. Let’s just say the deal goes well awry. The investigators arrive at the scene but look for the stolen property in vain. The professional cleaning company Cleaners On Call comes to remove the terrible sights of carnage.
Siobhan (Melissa Leo), the owner of the company, orders a quarrel-ridden Alex (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) and Meaghan (Ekaterina Baker) early in the morning for a job. Meaghan has been desperate to walk down the aisle for several years now. She plans to run her very own funeral home, a vision that Alex does not share. In comes Charlie (Swen Temmel), an incredibly huge and dangerous drug addict whom Siobhan manages to keep in check but nevertheless, does not trust. This clean up crew wears their red hazmat suits to do some bloody work but there’s something more surprising packed within the chimney.
The only twist in the film is the acting done by Banderas who comes in with super thin balsy malefics. There is this evil look in him which complete a dorky ass wig skinner black hair and a mustache that seriously pulls on the cut etc. It makes all kinds of torrent waves with a gun composing like an orchestra, but that scary aura was absolutely lacking. Even the silliness continues as his pathetic stepford wives make fun of him while they are behaving cautiously. These are not psychopathic murderers whose plots you would expect to be great serious and convincing.
Good Life Cleaners appears to have the same bizarre and somewhat cartoonish interrelationships. Siobhan, naggingly American in even more than a perfect Irish, has Leo doing the same with the character’s adopted children. Alex and Meaghan are in love, but can’t seem to agree on which version of how they will end up together is the correct one. And there’s Charlie, the PCP smoking, drug addicted charlie who always somehow blackouts when his high goes away. They’re an odd bunch who don’t get along assuming camaraderie is cohesive until debate breaks upon the need for the money that went missing.
In the eyes of Meaghan and Alex, the gold that they have edged their way into possessing is no less than a winning lottery. Siobhan reasonably believes that the person who got ‘screwed’ in court would go after it and endanger the lives of all who stand in his way. How can they not be the prime suspects? Charlie, feeling a rare pang of sanity, concurs with Alex and Meaghan. It’s obvious that the titular character is in it for the money and there’s no trouble that he is scared to get into.
Oligarchic screenwriter Matthew Rogers (The Survivalist, Code Name Banshee) does not bother to conceal any plot mysteries. The cleaners, Gabriel’s fools and the cops bump into one another like billiard balls in the most absurd scenes. In an incredibly unexpected twist, Killer Charlie also happens to be a man with a shady background who cannot be brought to rein. He’s fully equipped the moment it’s time to blah and things go predictably wrong. Chaos may ensue and Charlie may find himself face to face with a dozen assault weapon armed thugs and he does not even have to break a sweat or reload to wipe them all out without any of the bullets hitting him.
Simultaneously, nay, Alex is not a frothing lunatic and, shocker, actually feels the tug of morality before killing all the bad guys. His ridiculous back and forth dialogue with Charlie amidst wholesale slaughter is very much comical in intention, but it exactly forgets the purpose. Do they intend to ridicule their apparent omnipotence while the rest of them are being chewed away by bullets like soft cheese?
The Clean Up Crew has this strange editing style that is quite exasperating and easily tires one. Director and producer Jon Keyes, who mostly is known for the cult movie American Nightmare, has worked on several VOD actioners with Rogers and Banderas. There was some apparent reason for the overemphasis of split screen in this movie. This probably would have worked if all the action was not confined to a few scenes. It is not a case of poor choice of site. Keyes attempts to add some flavor to these boring places that we have already seen so many times that they bore us already. A warehouse, the woods and an office do not become intriguing by use of editors’ toys. It makes the film underlined sense of low budget practically unbearable.
The Clean Up Crew exhibits dysfunctionality as it flays itself tussling for straws rather than groping in the dark. Despite being silk-work players, they are not able to bolt through the difficult conversations, thin story and bland actions. Pacing also becomes an issue as the film attempts to edit down to a hardly one and a half hour long epic. Those who enjoy reading Machiavelli’s The Prince may appreciate watching Banderas in constant ‘thesis’ mode but there is definitely little left to enjoy for most people after a while. The film is not that bright as it takes itself to be, like that character.
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